


Saying Goodbye

by MonsieurMadeleine



Category: Casino Royale (2006), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization, Goodbyes, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Letters, M/M, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 20:25:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11951973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsieurMadeleine/pseuds/MonsieurMadeleine
Summary: Le Chiffre has to say goodbye and can't find another way besides writing. He writes letters to his loved ones and even a child.





	Saying Goodbye

My dearest father,  
I know you’re out there somewhere for I have always felt it. Speaking of knowing, I know also you will never accept me as your son which leads me to doubting the rightfulness of the way I addressed you at the beginning of the letter. To that I have one response: don’t expect me to address you in any other way than ‘father’ for you are my father whether you like it or not. This isn’t an indication that I don’t accept you. To be honest, it took me a lot of time and effort, but eventually I managed to accept you never-fading hate towards me, I’m finally at peace with it. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be with the woman you were with at the time, the woman you truly loved and not some prostitute you barely remembered. To make matters even worse, this untrue sexual chemistry created a creature, a worthless failure. I was oblivious to my own mistakes, blaming everyone and everything for its suffering except for the true culprit: myself. Now I realize this in a painful way, a deadly way. Yes, I know now and I also accept this. The moment has come that I can no longer deny it, that I must face the truth and confess my mistakes. I’m done with my mistakes, my futile attempts to forget or maybe erase my past, including a change of name, believing it could change my life. Now I’ve learnt it, finally: the past will always hunt you, no matter what you do to change or erase it, knowing that you’ve probably learnt it too. Obliviousness to important decisions will kill you eventually, I’ve learnt. Those decisions will hunt you to the grave, despite your futile attempts to shake it off. The reason I needed to reach you is something else, however. I’ve become a banker, but not an ordinary banker. I financed terrorist organizations, including Al-Qaeda. I enjoyed the idea that I was important, even if it was to crime. Maybe it was a way to lose the anger, relieve myself of the suffocating pressure I still felt. The pressure that hadn’t left me since my childhood. Maybe it sufficed as a sort of revenge for the rapes, the beatings and each scolding I had to endure, that what I hated you for. Now I see I’ve lost the right to hate you for it: that what I’ve done made me much worse than you have ever been. I’ve killed hundreds if not thousands of people, their blood will remain on my hands until I die, even after my death. Even if my body is to be consumed by nature, the blood on my hands, on my body will remain. And yet again, I failed. I’ve lost more than a hundred million dollars. Desperately, I tried to hold the angry customers off but the façade wasn’t allowed to last longer than two days before they got angry. In a few hours, they want their money. It’s in the middle of the night as I write and my stomach aches, knowing I’ll soon meet my end. And yes, I’ll die a deluded coward, just like you promised me countless times in the past. Mr. White is furious and he’ll be the one who fires the fatal bullet. Whatever my fate will be, however they’ll kill me, I just need you to know you, finally acknowledging my own crimes, my own mistakes. Must I die, I just need to tell you I forgive you and that I’ve never stopped loving you. The only thing I ask of you – however – is that you wish for your forgiveness in return. Please forgive me.  
Your son, forever.  
Jean Duran


End file.
